So you’re getting married (congratulations!), planning your wedding, and picking your best man! Or are you picking your best men? Traditionally, grooms will choose one man to take the honorary title of best man in their wedding. But is it a hard-and-fast rule that there can only be one person to fill this special role?
The short answer is no. Ultimately, most wedding planners and experts will tell you that when it comes down to it, your wedding is just that—your wedding. This is your special day, and a huge part of that is choosing who stands by you and supports you as you make your way to the altar. If you’re in the process of choosing your groomsmen and need some advice about picking the best man—or best men!—fear not. Below, we speak with wedding etiquette expert Amanda Hudes, creative director and owner of Smiling Through Chaos Event and Wedding Planning, about the nuances of picking the right person or people to stand by your side leading up to, and on, the big day.
Meet the Expert
Amanda Hudes is the creative director and owner of Smiling Through Chaos Event and Wedding Planning.
Following Your Own Rules
Hudes emphasizes that it’s your wedding, and therefore you call the shots on who makes up the wedding party. “I believe that you should look back at your wedding and feel really good about your choices,” she explains. “That means following your own rules, not what others think you should do. Part of that means looking at the people closest to you and being able to say, ‘These are my two best friends and I want to have both of them as my best men, not have to choose one.'” Hudes explains that there’s no reason to hurt someone’s feelings if you feel strongly that there are two people who you want (and will be excited about) to fill the role of best man. It all comes down to what will make you feel happiest and most supported on your wedding day.
Navigating Family Dynamics
Oftentimes, Hude says, a groom will have a best friend and a brother and may feel confused about how to choose one of them to be the best man. “While many times it’s expected to have your sibling be your best man or maid of honor, in some cases friends are even closer than family and it would only feel right to have both,” she says. There’s no reason you can’t honor both of these loved ones with the position of best man—and they’ll probably be psyched to share the duties!
Thinking About the Future
When it comes to deciding on who to pick, Hude suggests looking not only at who your current best friends are, but also thinking about how those people will ideally fit into your life in the future. “Who do you see growing with you, achieving goals together, pushing each other forward, supporting one another for years to come?” she asks. “In my opinion, the focus is so often on the past when it would be beneficial to think forward as well.”
The Benefits of Having Two Best Men
There are some major pros to having two of your closest friends or family members serve as the best men in your wedding party. Not only do you avoid having to choose between people you hold dear, but you’ll offer them the chance to split up the typical best man duties. Additionally, Hude emphasizes that there are some aesthetic benefits to how it will look on the big day—and in the wedding photos. “Aesthetically, coming from a fashion and design background, when you have two best men, you can give them each a very unique look to their personality.”
One more added bonus: “If there is one maid of honor and two best men, that lady is going to feel super special being walked down by one guy on each arm!”